Schools and parents are hot button political issues in 2023. What are our schools teaching our youth? Parents are rallying to find out and voicing their concerns at school board meetings. Teachers are sounding the alarm on student behavior and apathy. Before we enter the classroom, it is essential we answer the following question, what is going on at home? The American family has changed over the course of the last 50 years. How have those changes affected us as a society? The home is the alpha and the omega, the first and the last lines of defense. The family is the single most important factor in a child’s life, so why do we not rally for it? Why is the classroom singled out as the problem? The American family is where we are born and made, and it is obviously broken.

            One of the first thoughts that comes to mind is that both parents are working now so the children suffer. In 2021, 62% of American families had both parents employed according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. This number has not changed much over the course of the last 20 years, so what has changed about the American family? Quality time with the family has taken a hit with social media and technology occupying everyone’s attention. It is easy for family members to come home and zone out after a long day at work or school. Divorce and the appeal to not be married is on the rise. Why work hard to stay with someone when you could find someone else or not commit altogether? There is a lack of structured and disciplined parenting amongst the most recent generations. Trauma is real but not every instance of disappointment or punishment will lead to a negative, altered future existence for your child.

            Over most previous generations, people have railed against the rotting of human brains with the on set of television, genres of music, and video games. Though there is some merit to violence in many of the aforementioned past times, none compare to the influence and degradation of the human experience quite like the smart technology. Smart phones, tablets, social media, and the internet itself has caused a whirlwind of problems within the last 15 years that continue to be raised but we all tend to ignore. People are glued to their hands. Parents and children look to a technological world for validation and happiness rather than each other. The fake world families see through screens promotes unrealistic comparisons to others. Parents and children begin to feel as though they are missing a better life. Our children are exceptionally vulnerable to poisonous material that is produced solely to prey on their developing understanding of the world around them. Parents are responsible for monitoring their children’s use of technology, but many find it overwhelming due to peer pressure (adults and children), lack of discipline in the home, and work fatigue. More than ever, parents must begin to say no to their children and put their own phones down. Those that wish to push their agenda of destabilizing your family will find ways to connect with you and your kids. Do not fool yourself in believing that you can fight this battle while you and your children use technology for fun and relaxation.

            Divorce is a sensitive topic and rightly so but we need to stop pretending that divorce is not being used as an easy escape from marriage. The whole point of divorce is to end a “bad” or “unfulfilling” marriage but couples are entering into marriages knowing less about their partners goals, past, and/or views on various subjects such as children, religion, and politics. Many of these marriages that end probably should have never taken place. Furthermore, couples do not see the point in working on their relationships or even growing themselves to save the relationship. Children thrive in homes of love, structure, and understanding but the key word is home, meaning families. Mothers play a vital nurturing role in a child’s life in all classes of race. Fathers are just as significant as role models of leadership and support. Children of divorced parents are more likely to believe the parents have a favorite child, they are to blame for the separation, or are more likely to feel lonely. Our families must find a way to stay together. No one is advocating for people to bear abuse, but a study published in Couple and Family Psychology Journal found that majority of divorces are due to lack of commitment and infidelity, not domestic violence. We should be more discerning with who we marry or have children with. We should work on our relationships and ourselves in order to have successful marriages. Parents should be role models on how to love and be loved not on how to care for only yourself. Our children are the ones suffering from our poor choices.

            The home is lacking a structure and general discipline. It has become common, or at least popular, to use positive reinforcement to discipline our children. There are merits to highlighting positive behavior but employing consequences your child doesn’t like is key to consistent good behavior. This is not done out of anger but a cost-benefit analysis. We can praise our children and teach them the consequences of life at the same time. The lack of a parent’s mental presence is setting up our children to mimic the same behaviors. Lack of empathy and connection with a community are lost when all a child knows is their online presence. A parent should not zone out online or in front of the TV the entire time they are home with their children but interact with them in games and conversation. Consistency from parents involving everything in the home is paramount to a child’s overall character and behavior. The World Health Organization acknowledges that the adolescent period is significant for developing social and emotional habits. Children with parents that act as role models and leaders, not friends, have the potential to establish healthy sleep patterns, develop problem solving and interpersonal skills, and learn to manage their emotions. The world our children live in is different than the one we had but parents are the gate keepers to what has changed, technology and parenting styles.

            Our country is embroiled in turmoil, it seems at every waking hour. We hear of shootings, assaults, and degenerate behavior constantly involving our youth. People keep asking why and coming up with answers that never address the root of the problem. The roots are in the home, not guns or schools. Where we come from shapes who we are, and we need to start looking into what that is like. This may seem like a daunting task, asking people to parent their children and be actively engaged in their homes. The end benefit is worth the work. No one said becoming a parent would be easy and it may seem more difficult in this 21^st century world but it is not when we look in the mirror as to what we, as parents, are signaling to our kids. Put the phone or tablet down, close the laptop, leave work at work, and break out the dusty monopoly game. Research your local area and see what kinds of activities there are. Go on a hike, visit the state or local park, walk around the downtown district, or buy a cheap badminton set from your local Walmart and interact with your family. There is more to this life than just you. You may find greater joy living for not only yourself but others, especially your spouse and children.